We were recently out to dinner with two other couples and the kitchen messed up my meal. I hate onions and I asked about the possibility of onions or anything related to an onion being on the dish. I usually exaggerate to make it fun and also make my point clear: I hate onions. Well, when the meals arrived, mine was covered with chives. Technically, not onions, but this is why I make such a big deal about it. In fact, I’ve said “no scallions, chives, none of that” before every meal that I’ve ordered since college. So, here we are. My wife sees them. Our four friends see them. And everyone is waiting for me to lose it on the server.
I didn’t want to lose it. I don’t want to be that type of person. However, my heart rate was pumping. How can someone make this mistake? We had a lengthy conversation about this. Did they not care? I was pissed and didn’t want to be. So, I tried a technique that I’d heard about a million times in my life. I assumed the server was having a very bad day and felt empathy towards her.
And it instantly worked. Once I pictured her having to leave a sick child to go to work or being or face a stack of bills or receiving bad news about a potential new job, I immediately softened. I forgot about my inconvenience and tried to calculate a kind way to remind her that I didn’t want onions.
I simply said, “I’m sorry to be a pain, but I’ll need to return this since it’s full of chives.” My tone didn’t alarm her, it wasn’t uncomfortable to my wife or friends, and she took responsibility.
Not only did she apologize, but we went on to have a great night and she didn’t charge me for my dish, nor did she brag about it. She simply left it off the bill. When I told her, she said “Yeah, that’s on me tonight.” Of course, I made up for it on the tip.
That night could’ve been totally different, and my urge was to act differently. Since then, I’ve been using this technique before things happen. When I begin meetings or calls, I assume the other people have had a bad day and I show empathy. At coffee shops, hotels, and airports, I show everyone with whom I interact the grace they’d deserve if they had a terrible morning. The impact has been incredible. I’m happier. I get treated much better. Most importantly, and the primary reason I’ve wanted to be a better person, my daughter doesn’t see her dad being an asshole, even if he’s right.
As sales professionals and executives, this technique will work wonders for your performance and quality of life! I know you’ve heard it a million times but try it. You’ll love it.
