One of my best friends lost his mother on Monday. We had a brief but pleasant conversation over the phone early the next day. He and his family feel fortunate that they had the ability to say goodbye and make her last days comfortable. It was good to talk with him, and even better to know that he and his family were doing ok.
We live a couple hours apart now, and haven’t lived in the same community since college. In fact, most of my best friends live somewhere else - and that’s why I’ll never miss a funeral again…
During our phone call, I made this observation: We’re at that age where mortality is becoming real. We’ve known about it since pre-school, but now we’re watching our kids develop and our parents pass. The power and reality of life and death is right in front of our eyes every day. I told my friend: “I wish I could experience this time of our life and have these types of conversations regularly with my best friends like you and Jimmy and Andy; but I can’t.
We’ve got our own lives in different careers and cities … and there’s nothing wrong with that. It just kind of sucks that we can’t walk down the hall in the fraternity house to chat about the utter despair and incredible wonder that every day of our 40s brings.” Ok, I didn’t use “utter despair and incredible wonder”, but it’s what I meant.
My friend’s response: “If there is anything good to come of this, I’ve been able to connect with a bunch of friends that I usually wouldn’t.”
You know what? He’s right. It used to be Christmas break. Then, for a few years after college, it was Gator football games. Then, it moved to weddings. However, for the last decade or so there hasn’t really been many events at which my life-long best friends could connect. We’ve been raising kids, growing careers, and hanging out with our neighbors. (No offense neighbors – I love hanging with you guys.) We’re moving into this next stage of life where it’s becoming normal to say goodbye to our parents. There aren’t many better reasons to gather than to comfort each other during this time. All guards are down and our affection is transparent. No matter how masculine we try to be, we show our love for each other during these times… and that’s awesome… just plain awesome.
Nope, I’ll never miss a funeral again. I’ll primarily be there to support my friends, but I’ll also be there for myself… to see them and experience this raw stage of our lives together.
