I’m developing this post in my head as I’m with my two year old daughter at her MyGym class. There are three boys and four girls in the class, all between the ages of 30 and 39 months. The girls tend to follow instructions and control their temperament more than the boys – quite a bit more. The boys are excitable and somewhat destructive. Everyone tries to get the boys to act calmer, like the girls act. The parents of the boys seem to be a little embarrassed. They have this habit of vocalizing their awareness of their kids’ behavior with comments meant for us, but directed at their sons (i.e. “Johnny, we don’t act that way toward pretty little girls”). I have to admit that I’d probably act the same way if my daughter was so lively, but I wonder if it’s the right way. That’s not a cute way of me saying its wrong – I really don’t know. I wonder sometimes if we limit others’ experience of life or their potential to excel as we’re trying to “help” them.
About 20 years ago a good friend of mine, Mike, asked me to help him get more organized. He asked me for a reason – I was probably the most efficient 25-year-old in Florida (to a fault). At the time I used a Franklin Planner. I had gone to the full day class on being able to completely utilize the tool… and I became a master. I got more things done in a day than most of my friends completed in a week, and I never forgot anything … never. However, I need routine and strategy. Mike doesn’t. Mike is spontaneous and action-oriented. He has no idea what he is going to do each day, but he always knocks it out of the park. People gravitate toward Mike because of his energy and persona, and he shifts and moves his agenda as the day presents itself. I was smart enough at the time to tell Mike: “No, you shouldn’t buy a Franklin Planner and for the most part shouldn’t worry about being organized. You’re doing fine.” I didn’t realize that I was actually saying: “Use your strengths, be yourself and watch the world unfold.”
Halfway through his 40’s, Mike still has no idea what he’s doing when he wakes up. However, he has managed to build two successful businesses, allowing him to live a financially rewarding life and somewhat unrestricted life ... and he did it all without a Franklin Planner!
These brings me back to the boys in our class. Are we trying to develop skills and behavior that just aren't natural? Should we allow or encourage their rambunctiousness? How about you and your self-talk? Without knowing it, are you silencing a beautiful voice because it doesn't sound like your coworkers, neighbors, or friends? Are you investing all of your energy trying to fix weaknesses instead of embracing your natural strengths? Maybe we should let boys be boys, girls be girls, and you be you.
