There was a story floating around social media this past weekend about Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison making his sons return participation trophies. I shared it on my personal Facebook timeline and gathered some good discussion. I know that I’m imbalanced when it comes to competition, so I like to challenge my thoughts as much as possible and hear the other side. I admit that it’s easier for me to do the research than have a discussion about these types of topics, but I do my best to get a fair understanding. Even after giving all the benefits of doubt possible to the concept of participation trophies, I’ve come back to my original conclusion: participation trophies make kids, and ultimately adults, afraid of losing.
Before we proceed, please note that I’m not one of those crazy parents that believes in winning at all costs. I owe everything I have to a few things – youth athletics is one of them. I believe athletics can be an amazing classroom for the real world; and the real world typically kicks the “win-at-all costs” people in the gut pretty early. So, the point I’m trying to make … I’m not that guy.
The intention is great… let’s not pay so much attention to winning that we lose sight of the purpose of youth athletics. Therefore, we should give trophies to everyone that participates. Heck, I probably would’ve voted for it when the idea first arose. Here lies the problem: one of the main points of participating is to learn how to lose. I believe athletics teaches us more about losing and persistence than it does about winning, but we have to lose to learn about it. We visibly and unapologetically lose, cry if we have to, brush ourselves off, and get back in the ring.
I lose every week, probably every day. However, at least once during every week I reflect on a time when I lost earlier in my life. I remember how bad it felt and remind myself that this feeling is normal. I also remember picking myself up and moving forward. I remember losing to Edgewood Jr. High in ninth grade football, I remember losing to Palm Bay in my last high school baseball game, and I remember losing two major sales in the same afternoon in August of 1995. If my only memories were about winning first place and participation trophies, it would be harder to get through the hard times now. However, I remember losing and the pain; but I also remember losing and comeback and how easy it is to keep pushing forward.
Full transparency: I received second place and participation trophies growing up and it didn’t really affect me. I knew the difference and it still hurt to lose. However, the point of the matter is much more important. We can’t hide our kids from the pain of losing. Expose them to it, teach them to claw through the process, and show them how their persistence led to their improvements.
