Following my junior and senior years in high school, I played on a summer league baseball team for John Staples. Coach Staples had a way of letting you know whether he respected you or not, and I knew I was on his good list. About a year after playing for him we ran in to each other, and he introduced me to one of his friends as “an RBI machine”. He went on to brag about me being a clutch player and I’ll never forget these words: “dude was bored unless there were runners on base and the game was on the line.”
His words made a huge impact on me that still lasts today. He put a label on me: I performed well under pressure. I knew I was ok under pressure, but never thought of myself as a “clutch player” until he said so. Since then, I remind myself of this all the time. If I have a seminar to give in the morning and my flight is late the night before, I remind myself: “don’t worry, you like pressure situations”. Some of the best presentations I’ve given have been with little notice and a ton of pressure – and that’s because of the label Coach Staples put on me.
Since I’m in the business of coaching people, I’ve thought about and practiced this concept hundreds of times. There are three rules of thumb that I have in using my words to motivate people:
- It has to be true. I actually was a decent player under pressure and my focus increased when there were runners on base. I knew my job was to drive in runs, not get on base or move over runners. When no one was on base, I just wasn’t as focused. If I choked all the time, Coach Staples’ words would’ve simply been an empty compliment and gone nowhere.
- Don’t assume that your words don’t matter. Think about the people in your life who have said something minor, but it was a major influence to you. Your words matter. Don’t hold back. Tell someone they have a great voice, or they’re very creative, or the most persistent person you know. You’ll make a difference.
- Exaggerate a little. Yes, I was a decent athlete under pressure, but I wasn’t Kirby Puckett or Joe Montana. In fact, I remember choking a few times. Coach Staples pushed it a little in calling me an RBI machine, and I knew that. However, since there was some truth to it, I loved it. I loved hearing it, and it made me feel good about myself. If one of your kids is very good at math, it’s not going to hurt to tell them that they’re brilliant; or if one of your salespeople is a great prospector, tell them that you’ll put them up against anybody “getting in the door”. Don’t lie, but stretch your opinion a little.
Words matter. Use them, and use them responsibly. You’ll never know how many people you’re influencing.
