It’s Monday at 9:21 am. Four hours ago, I started the morning with my interval running routine. About 10 minutes into my workout, I felt my left calf pull slightly, and there I was – a mile from home with no ability to put any weight on my left foot. After a few minutes of not moving, I found it possible to limp slowly back to my house. As you’re probably predicting, the rest of my morning was pushed behind. I was running late in driving my daughter to school, and if there was a red light on the way, I found it. We screeched in with seconds to spare and my heart rate at its max. When I returned to my home office, there was an email in my inbox from a customer wanting to change the date of my site visit. Usually not a big deal, but I’m booked through mid-January. It was only 8:10 at that point.
Now, I’m sitting at my gate at the Orlando airport waiting to board a flight to Dallas. For the last hour or so, I’ve been silently yelling at myself for complaining. “So what? You can’t run for a few weeks. You’ll find other things to do. Hurting your calf is a good thing.” “Stop whining. You should feel lucky that you have clients. Who cares if you have to move some things around? Most people would give their left leg to have your job. Stop whining!”
Do you do that? Do you try to convince yourself that there are starving families in the world and that you have no right to feel bad? Do ever look in the mirror and say: “Get happy, Stupid”? Ok, I don’t do the mirror thing, but I beat myself up all the time. My wife tells me that I “gut check” myself.
It doesn’t work. It’s better than taking the victim mentality, but the gut check never makes me happy. I respond with “You’re right, I have a great life.” And then I still feel disappointed that I won’t be able to run in our local Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. Is that the end of the world? No, but it’s disappointing; and I don’t allow myself to be disappointed - or sad or angry or anxious or any negative reaction - about any short-term circumstance. I have a wonderful life, so I feel pathetic when I feel bad. And that’s usually where I end up – feeling disappointed/sad/angry/anxious and pathetic at the same time. The gut check doesn’t work. (Funny side note: I felt pathetic writing the last two sentences.)
Do you know what does help me in these scenarios? Reminding myself that it’s all part of the process. Pulling a calf muscle is part of life. Traffic is part of life. Getting upset with these circumstances is a normal reaction. When I let myself feel sad or angry, and then remind myself that its part of the process, I relax. I even smile sometimes. I feel calm because I know that life always seems to bounce back.
This technique may not work for everyone, nor for every bad situation, but since I started using it a few years ago, it’s helped me through every minor and major setback. So, if you lose your job or someone butts in front of you at Starbucks, try this technique. Allow yourself to feel bad and then remind yourself: “This is part of the process.”
