As I was watching ESPN yesterday, I learned that Phil Mickelson has decided to skip this year’s U.S. Open. Instead of chasing the only Major that he hasn’t won, Mickelson has decided to attend the high school graduation of his daughter, Amanda. After my personal disappointment settled, I realized that his decision was a no-brainer. I’d do the same thing – without hesitating or thinking twice. My wife and daughter are 99% of my world. The other 1% is everything else. I’d skip anything to watch my daughter graduate high school. However, my perspective wasn’t always this clear.
In 1999, Payne Stewart won the U.S. Open by one stroke, sinking a 15-foot putt on the 18th hole to seal the victory. His challenger, the golfer who had matched him through the entire final day, was in a bit of a daze the whole weekend. His wife was due with their first child, and he had vowed to walk off the course immediately if his wife had made the request. To add to the drama, it was Father’s Day. When Stewart made his final putt, he embraced his opponent, looked him in the eyes and said: “You’re going to be a great dad.” The TV cameras caught the scene perfectly. Although I remember being touched by Stewart’s act of sportsmanship and reality, I remember thinking: “Yeah, but he also just lost the U.S. Open by one stroke.” As I said, my perspective wasn’t very clear.
If you’re a golf fan, or good at math, you probably already know what I’m about to reveal. Stewart’s opponent that day in 1999 was Phil Mickelson. After reading the news yesterday about Mickelson skipping this year’s Open, I spent a minute or two on Google to confirm my hunch. Yep, their newborn in 1999 was Amanda. How cool is that?
I’m not too sure where I’m going with this post. There’s something here to be grasped. I just hope I can capture it. It’s not about family or daughters or golf. I think it’s about self-confidence. I think it’s about not feeling like you’ve got to prove yourself. I think it’s about knowing that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way. Since Mickelson didn’t feel the need to prove himself in 1999, he was able to vow to walk off the course. Stewart could transcend a victory in a golf tournament to remember that his opponent was having a baby, and it was Father’s Day. Although that victory helped define Stewart to many of us, he didn’t need it. He knew who he was, and he was able to keep the right perspective and embrace Mickelson.
My priorities weren’t backwards in 1999, but they weren’t always manifested in my day-to-day life. I needed to prove something. I’m still not sure what it was, but I needed to conquer it. As I made my way through my 30’s, I started to feel and understand the true meaning of confidence. I became more and more still about life. Little by little, I felt as though I had what it takes. I didn’t need to prove myself. I knew I’d handle it … whatever “it” was. That’s when I was ready to meet my wife. That’s when I was ready to be an amazing and real father. That’s when my actions started aligning with decisions like the one Mickelson just made.
I’m writing this partially because I love the story about these two amazing athletes, and partially because all of us lose some of our confidence every now and then. During those times, we tend to feel the need to prove ourselves and we might make decisions that don’t align with our priorities. We might even feel desperate at times. That happens to all of us. During the good times and the difficult times, do your best to keep focused on what’s important to you. Remind yourself that you’ve got nothing to prove – because you don’t. When you have this feeling of space, you’ll be able to make the right choices and will never look back.
